Blaugust 06 - Validate Me

It's a wishy-washy, egocentric post only an Online Content Creator (tm) could make. Where's My Engagement. Where's My Numbers. Why Am I Stuck. Why Can't I Grow. Where's My Comments. Why Will No One Tell Me I'm Good like My Teachers Did. I Need Proof, Proof That Exists on A Site That Will Die One Day, And I'll Have Forgotten All About it.

It's putting the cart in front of the horse. You're looking for something you'll never get.

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I put these sort of self-defeating comments under the same umbrella. It's a childish selfishness. It's not wrong, but it's misplaced to ask the high speed social media void for love. It's a silly sort of bleating to like me, comfort me, tell me I'm good. ...Why? All you're doing is posting online. It's the equivalent of putting an A5 sheet on a wall on a busy street. Do not link your personhood to something some fleeting.

But what about my feelings? The numbers don't lie. Isn't that pure, hard data? Proof That I Have Not Succeeded?

No, of course not. Unless your goal is to be the most popular online artist ever, with the most followers, the biggest numbers, then I guess so? But being the most popular has its drawbacks.

The reality is that your "content" only has so big of an audience. You can't just keep increasing. There is a cap, and that's normal. Artists are niche. Do you really want your work to be Consumable To 80% of the Entire World's Population while they're barely paying attention? Creating art and posting are two very different things. You're smart, you know that already.

If you want to "succeed" on social media (and who knows how long social media will stay like this), you have to treat it like a job you might be fired from at any second, without notice or pay. Posting, in and of itself, is its own game. Why do you think there's so many YouTube "art business" videos where they never show their art? They don't have shops that sell paintings or prints. They maybe do cons, but then don't go into much detail. They don't ever shout out friends, or other artists they like. But they have all the advice in the world to give. They sell courses. They talk numbers. Look at their video hits, of course they're successful and you could be valida like them. People must listen to them and like their work... right? Right? But as an artist? Oh, yeah, totally, promise, yeah of course. Successful as an artist my arse... Gimme a break. They're selling a song to you.

Anyone who has had numerical "success" as an online artist will tell you; the numbers mean nothing. It's hard to convert follower numbers into sales if you're not on the ball. It can be done, some people are great at marketing! And that's what this is, a marketing game.

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I've been a bit mean here. I think it's important that people talk about their feelings, and why they're feeling that way. It's a brave thing to admit. Even if it is... a bit silly lol but we're human! We care about ourselves and how we're seen! And socmedia just hits us right in our little animal, number-obsessed brains... we do always want the big number... big number=good number, right? You want a big number in your bank, but not on your bills... context is scary...

I think the way socmedia has developed has lead to people not commenting. You can just like it. Isn't that good enough? ...Is it? It all depends.

I've done this myself, we all do. You mean to come back, check it out, and leave a nice comment. I've been forcing myself to do this on every fic I've been reading lately, and I want to bring it over to sns... I hope to comment on all the toxic yuri vn games I play. I will be your reply guy...!!

I do think the art of a good comment has been lost... Or do I have rose-tinted glasses? I remember trying to write up essays on dA about someone's sonic oc... As if I had a clue????

Some people miss tumblr tags, I do not. I learnt that the accidental backhanded compliment is a killer. And I learnt people think you don't check comments LOL they're talking shit constantly. (I guess discord's the new "walking in and seeing your work get shredded and then its gone under all the other art in the channel" LOL)

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I've talked about the problem, so what's the solution? There's not magical instant fix, I think there's a few.

1. You have to turn the numbers off.
2. Create a space outside social media.
3. You have to reach out.

All artists will struggle with this. The hours you pour into a project won't be met with the same level of feedback. It's sort of like preforming on an empty stage, and all you get back is people shouting whatever current internet-ironic lazy meme comment through a window. I compare it to the "post-show blues" actors go through. It's a weird emotional pitfall. It drives me suicidal.

This is probably more of an issue for anyone working professionally in art. You get used not hearing anything personal or worthwhile about your work. Just "fix this, change that". It creates a detachment between you and your body of work. This is a good thing, you should be able to be a professional and know it's a job, it's not about you. But too much of this can fuck with your head. I personally struggle with feeling connected with my work due to years working in the animation industry (i'll shut up about this lol). I've always struggled with my sense of self, and it feels silly that I'm this old and still, when someone be nice to me, I can't handle it. It's ridiculous. I'm slowly reclaiming that, and I only have other artists to thank.

At the end of the day, people want to feel respected. It's easy to post a meme comment, a joke, but it's harder to say how you really feel. Being online in this strange time has randoms constantly demand "authenticity" from you, but not too much then you're cringe and probably evil? Rock. Hard place.

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I can't tell you how you should feel about your own art or how to feel about the response you get when you share it. But I do think it's a good idea to step back and have a little think. What is it what you want?

If you're looking to fill yourself, you'll never have enough. You're a human being, you can't be sustained on numbers. Of course it's important to have goals, to have outside feedback... but when that feedback is a cold number with no context, no rhyme or reason as to why and how... You can't use that as any sort of merit to yourself. Numbers have nothing to do with human beings.

Your art is not the problem. The problem is treating a skinnerbox as a way to fulfil yourself. And here's me preaching to you, as if it's simple as. But if you just keep posting, maybe this time, for sure, you'll be Validated. Maybe it all means something if you reach the Big Number. There are people profiting off you. Remember that.

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Listening to...

Doing blaugust has made me notice... damn I am rambly... gg8473.. get to the point... But I do want to take my time and just chatter...This is a blog, and if I didn't talk shite, where would I?

I've been 2 srs on this blog... I know what the people want (I'm people) and it's yaoi... Tomorrow maybe I'll fujo out... I've been thinking about my uke (Gilgamesh) and realised this is sort of my secret self... I see other people fujo out and im (tears running down my face) that's for other people and NOT ME...!!! I'm not allowed be weird online!!!! I am bound by my deep Irish sense of shame... How dare I have fun? How dare I exist a little differently? But I want to fujo out... I too dream of singing in the choir...

Or maybe I'll talk about BJDs... Can you believe I wrote the barbie scene in walk in the sun and I just was like "I have nothing to do with these feelings whatsoever I don't even care about dolls" (3 yr time skip now with her BJD collection) "OH... OH!!!!!"

And a like button, thanks to bohemiansultriness :) so now you can validate me!!!!!

--xoxo becky